• If Sub Tip #2 is NOT possible, any substitute teacher must have Olympic-level skill in the esteemed event of bladder control. Schedules will vary every single day, possibly resulting in a 4 hour block of classes with NO breaks.
  
  2012 in London, ya’ll. 

• Avoid coffee if at all possible.

All 900+ of us substitute teachers for our district are placed on a phone list. An automated calling system we call “Subfinder” (whose voice is oddly similar to that mothership intercom voice from Spaceballs) calls one of us at random when a teacher needs their classes covered.

Call times are various, most a day in advance. But over time I’ve grown proficient in readying myself after calls at 5:30am in under 7 minutes.

Showering being optional, of course.

 

• Be early. No joke.
  You’ll need a cigarette.