March 2012
1 post
TODAY'S SUBJECT: BIOLOGY
Student: Mr. M, do you know anything about biology?
Me: Beneath the clothes, you find a man. And beneath a man.. you find his.... nucleus...
February 2012
8 posts
HOW A SUB DECIDES WHAT MOVIE TO NOT SEE
“HEY TEE SHAUNA, LESS GO SEE THE WOMAN IN BLACK TONITE. LESS BRING LIKE A BIG ASS GROUP WID US. AH MAH GAH, DAS WHAT IMMA DO, IMMA SCREAM…”
SOPHOMORES LEARN SIMILE
Yesterday, high school sophomores came up with these examples of similes as best as only they could.
“I am like a glasses, clear and protective.”
“I am like white rice because I stick with people.”
“I am like a sock, useful until its been quit, quitely used, used ovr n ovr”
“i’m like a shooting star, i’ve come so far, I can’t go...
5th grade beginning band. Four hours of this on...
Substitute teacher movies for reference
“Kindergarten Cop”
Sub Tip #3
If Sub Tip #2 is NOT possible, any substitute teacher must have Olympic-level skill in the esteemed event of bladder control. Schedules will vary every single day, possibly resulting in a 4 hour block of classes with NO breaks. 2012 in London, ya’ll.
Sub Tip #2
Avoid coffee if at all possible.
How the job works
All 900+ of us substitute teachers for our district are placed on a phone list. An automated calling system we call “Subfinder” (whose voice is oddly similar to that mothership intercom voice from Spaceballs) calls one of us at random when a teacher needs their classes covered.
Call times are various, most a day in advance. But over time I’ve grown proficient in readying myself...
Sub Tip #1
Be early. No joke. You’ll need a cigarette.
